We Are Strong As An Army. W372.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

*Love Shouldn't Hurt

I was sick since yesterday. Had stomach flu, vomiting, diarrhoea and back sprain. On MC today, still feeling sick. Probaby going for acupuncture afer I complete this post. Haha.

As I was reading 8Days, I chanced upon a brochure from Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS). The brochure is about dating violence and I thought it will be interesting to pen it's content here.

Perhaps you are in a relationship that cause you to be fearful or you have a friend facing such problems. Maybe you thought it will be useful to know about such issue or you just want to know what love really is. Then do read on.

LOVE SHOULDN'T HURT
Intimidation is not Love
Sex is not Love
Abuse is not Love
Control is not Care
Love is Respect

Impact of Violence
The effects of violence can be short- or long-term, physical and/or psychological/emotional. For example, a short-term physical effect can be a bruise and a long-term one can be a permanent disability. Short-term psycho-emotional effects can include anger, fear, hurt feelings, helplessness or sleeplessness. In the long-term, you may become depressed, ashamed, have a low self-esteem, mistrust men/women or relationships or even become suicidal.

"She always wants me to tell her where I go, who I'm with, what I'm doing."
"He says he loves me. But why does he shout at me and push me around?"

Is This Really Love?
You may be a victim of dating violence or your relationship is likely to become abusive if you are:

Feeling fearful, anxious, depressed, or have trouble sleeping because of your relationship.

Insulted, called names (e.g. stupid, crazy) or publicy humiliated by your partner.

Hit, grabbed, pushed, shoved, slapped, kicked, punched or burnt.

Terrified (e.g. had things thrown at you, doors being blocked)

Threathened with intentions of harming you, him'herself or others (e.g. If you leave me I will...)

Forced to justify everything you do, where you go and who you meet.

Ashamed or have become secretive or hostila to your parents, beacause of this relationship.

At the mercy of your partner who controls your money/possessions.

Forced to have sex (i.e. through use/threat of physical force, continual arguments/pressure, use of alcohol/drugs)

Can I Protect Myself Against Abuse?
If you are in an abusive relationship, make plans to keep yourself safe. Here's how:

Anticipate what to do if your partner gets violent.

Tell someone you trust about what is going on. Your isolation increases your partner's control over you.

Create a code word or signal to let someone know you are in danger.

Keep a list of important phone numbers with you at all times.

Let someone know where you are goingand when you will be back.talk to a counsellor, teacher or friend about it.

In case of immediate threat to life, call the Police at 999.

What is A Healthy Relationship?
While abuse is about controlling and having power over the other person, love is about caring for and supporting each other. These are the indicators of a healthy relatonship:

Able to find healthy ways to work through differences and disagreements.

Able to make decisions together.

Able to trust each other and share honest feelings freely.

Feel comfortable, respected and at ease.

Feel love by being listened to and supported.

Feel safe and secure.

Respect each other's feelings and opinions, even if one may disagree.

How Can We Resolve Conflicts?
All couples have disagreements. Couples in a healthy relationship will try to work through and slove their disagreements fruitfully. Below are some tips for positive conflice resolution:

Talk about one problem at a time.

Listen to what each other has to say. Don't sit there thinking about what to say next.

Stop blaming each other and be willing to come to a mutual compromise.

Ask questions to find out more about each other's opinion, clarify issues and test your understanding.

Keep an open mind. Ask yourselfand your partner "what if" questions to help both of you see other options.

My friend's boyfriend slapped and punch her. How can I help her?

Listen to your friend.

Don't blame or put your friend down for remaining in the relationship.

Let your friend know that violence under any circumstance is unacceptable.

Express your understanding, care, concern and support.

Encourage your friend to speak to a counsellor and offer to accompany your fiend for help.

I find it difficult to control my temper. Little things can agitate and make me mad.

Do you constantly quesion your partner's whereabouts, phone calls and/or conversations?

Do you constantly insult, criticise or threaten your partner?

Have you grabbed, pushed, slapped, or hit your partner when you're angry?

Have you forced your partner to have sex?

If you find yourself losing control, here are some tips to control your behavious:

Be aware of your own red flags e.g. tense posture, yelling, hitting at objects.

Walk away from the situation to cool yourself down and think about other ways to reslove the conflict.

Talk to a counsellor, teacher or friend about it.

Benjamin @ 8:27 AM

GOD IS GOOD!!!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

*Emerge Aftermath + Appreciation!

One week had passed since EMERGE conference but it is not time for us to submerge! It is time for us to maintain and even Emerge further!

Don't stop the "HALLELUJAH!", don't stop the "WOOOOOO!!!", don't stop the jumping and dancing. God deserve our praise and adoration EVERYDAY! Not just Easter, not just EMERGE!

And one sentence to sum up what pastor wants to tell us for this EMERGE.
"Be a DANIEL, not a DENIAL!"

Yes! You don't want to be praised or respected just for a day right? Then have excellence everyday! Favor of man comes from God, through your WORK!

We learnt something interesting in CG this week. We learned how to find good friends and how to attract good people into your life. We were also given a chance to show appreciation to our members. It isn't possible to talk about everyone during CG but what I want to say is this, YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN!

In fact, what I am going to do now, I am going to write words of appreciations to EVERYONE in W372, right here in this post! So in alphabetical order:

ALEX! You ROCK! AWESOME vocal! And more than that, going out with you has never had a dull moment. You are FRIENDLY, APPROACHABLE and STREET-SMART! You have that ability to ATTRACT PEOPLE to you! (And getting discounts while shopping with you. Haha.) We are looking towards for something GREAT from you!

BOON TECK's presence is always felt whenever he is around and that is because he will never leave anyone out! You can always be counted on to break the ice among new friends! You seems to KNOW EVERYTHING with the cyber world and is truly a DANIEL in this area! You don't just play the games, you bring GOD to the people who played with you!

CHLOE Chloe. We sure miss you this week! I almost thought one long-hair sister was you! You can BRIGHTEN up the day and make people LAUGH! I always think it is a FANTASTIC gift you have to make people around you feel at EASE easily. One word, you are UNFORGETABLE!

DESMOND is WISE, DARING and SPIRITUAL! A friend who will laugh with you, mourn with you and even feel angry with you! You never fails to stand up for a friend and your advice is always GOOD. Who else to look for when you are in trouble but DESMOND? Haha. Thanks for visiting my Grandpa. :)

ELTON sacrificed a lot to keep our church SAFE! How can anyone get into the presence of GOD if you always have to worship and worry if some bomb is about to explode at the same time? ELTON! Though you cannot always fellowship with us straight after service, though you may only joined us at a very late hour and only for a very short while every week, I wanna say that we always LOOK FORWARD TO YOU JOINING US EVERY SATURDAY!

EUNICE may not be the most obvious person but you are THERE everytime during a crisis, to ENCOURAGE, to CHEER UP, to let someone knows that YOU CARES! On top of that, YOU are FRIENDLY too! Thanks for visiting my Grandpa. :)

GEOGINA is also another APPROACHABLE person. You know what is GREAT about you? You don't take offence easily! And if there is someone who SMILES a lot, that's YOU! I don't remember a time I never see you not smiling!

HONG YUN. I have said this and I will say it again. We may not think the same way or have the same opinion all the time, yet you are one person who always put in EFFORT in everything you do! When something happened, you will always be one of the one of the FIRST one to SHOW CONCERN and go the EXTRA MILES to show that YOU CARE! Keep it up dude! Thanks for visiting my Grandpa. :)

HUIYI is EXTRAODINARY! Throughout the times when you couldn't join us for many of our fellowships, you will do all you can to spend as much time with us as possible, even though we haven't really know you that well back then! You are a person who really PRESS INTO the life of people and we can see the GODLY HUNGER in you!

MEI HUI, although you have to keep rushing home after CG, you still come, no matter how little time you have. We can really see how you truly TREASURE every little time you have to be in the presence of GOD and to fellowship with us! I am sure everyone agree that your presence is very IMPORTANT to all of us too!

MEILING, you may be new among us and tend to be a little quiet at times. But you are always EAGER to help out! Chin Chow with Longan for CG refreshments. Haha. You are always ENTHUSIATIC with the plans we have and we know we can always look to you for SUPPORT.

MINQI, another person who doesn't have a lot of time in hand. You have band and 'O' levels to handle but you have not let all these things limit you! Despite having a hectic schedule and having to return home early, you still choose to serve GOD in Usher Ministry in one of the BUSIEST year of your life. Instead of "burying" the little time you have left for yourself, you choose to MAXIMIZE it and put GOD FIRST! "WELL DONE, GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT!"

SJE TING, always the EVANGELIST! It is AMAZING how you can make friends with just about anyone you cross path with. I still remember the times when you were still young and will beat me up. Haha. But I also seen how you have transformed from a girl into becoming a WOMAN OF GOD. Thanks for being with me as we went through the times together, seeing people come and go. It was indeed hurtful to see our best friends leave the faith but you had choosen to stay and proved your FAITHFULNESS. Thank you.

YING HONG, you NEVER GIVE UP despite of shortcomings. We can see that in your studies, always going for whatever is the best you can get to keep progressing. Remember, YOUR ATTITUDE DETERMINES YOUR ALTITUDE! It is also GREAT that you choose to serve in the Silent Ministry, for it is not one of the popular ministry but it is an area that is very much NEEDED in the church and you MET THAT NEED!

YIQUAN is always so HARDWORKING and SUPPORTIVE in the CG. You have come to a point where you "BAO KA LIAO" in CG and I really APPRECIATES everything you've done. I will never forget that you sacrificed basketball so that you could SERVE GOD and also to concentrate on your studies. You are indeed one AMAZING MAN OF GOD!

YIXUAN, you, have an AWESOME VOICE! Haha. I am not sure about others but if it is you who is going for the BV audition, I know you will GET IN! Let me say this again. C.O.N.G.R.A.T.U.L.A.T.I.O.N.S!!! Haha. Always CHEERY and always SMILING. Yes! Your smile is INFECTIOUS! Haha. Thanks for visiting my Grandpa. :)

As for our cell group leaders, what you can do is to write in your APPRECIATIONS in your next SPIRITUAL DIARY. Haha. Yes I am sure everyone, including me of course, is really thankful for what Brother Ming Jin and Sister Darryl have done, so be sure to tell them about it!

Thank you everyone!

With brotherly love,
Benjamin.

Benjamin @ 11:04 PM

GOD IS GOOD!!!