*Love Shouldn't Hurt
I was sick since yesterday. Had stomach flu, vomiting, diarrhoea and back sprain. On MC today, still feeling sick. Probaby going for acupuncture afer I complete this post. Haha.
As I was reading
8Days, I chanced upon a brochure from
Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS). The brochure is about dating violence and I thought it will be interesting to pen it's content here.
Perhaps you are in a relationship that cause you to be fearful or you have a friend facing such problems. Maybe you thought it will be useful to know about such issue or you just want to know what love really is. Then do read on.
LOVE SHOULDN'T HURTIntimidation is not Love
Sex is not Love
Abuse is not Love
Control is not CareLove is RespectImpact of ViolenceThe effects of violence can be short- or long-term, physical and/or psychological/emotional. For example, a short-term physical effect can be a bruise and a long-term one can be a permanent disability. Short-term psycho-emotional effects can include anger, fear, hurt feelings, helplessness or sleeplessness. In the long-term, you may become depressed, ashamed, have a low self-esteem, mistrust men/women or relationships or even become suicidal.
"She always wants me to tell her where I go, who I'm with, what I'm doing."
"He says he loves me. But why does he shout at me and push me around?"Is This Really Love?You may be a victim of dating violence or your relationship is likely to become abusive if you are:
Feeling fearful, anxious, depressed, or have trouble sleeping because of your relationship.
Insulted, called names (e.g. stupid, crazy) or publicy humiliated by your partner.
Hit, grabbed, pushed, shoved, slapped, kicked, punched or burnt.
Terrified (e.g. had things thrown at you, doors being blocked)
Threathened with intentions of harming you, him'herself or others (e.g. If you leave me I will...)
Forced to justify everything you do, where you go and who you meet.
Ashamed or have become secretive or hostila to your parents, beacause of this relationship.
At the mercy of your partner who controls your money/possessions.
Forced to have sex (i.e. through use/threat of physical force, continual arguments/pressure, use of alcohol/drugs)
Can I Protect Myself Against Abuse?
If you are in an abusive relationship, make plans to keep yourself safe. Here's how:
Anticipate what to do if your partner gets violent.
Tell someone you trust about what is going on. Your isolation increases your partner's control over you.
Create a code word or signal to let someone know you are in danger.
Keep a list of important phone numbers with you at all times.
Let someone know where you are goingand when you will be back.talk to a counsellor, teacher or friend about it.
In case of immediate threat to life, call the Police at 999.What is A Healthy Relationship?While abuse is about controlling and having power over the other person, love is about caring for and supporting each other. These are the indicators of a healthy relatonship:
Able to find healthy ways to work through differences and disagreements.
Able to make decisions together.
Able to trust each other and share honest feelings freely.
Feel comfortable, respected and at ease.
Feel love by being listened to and supported.
Feel safe and secure.
Respect each other's feelings and opinions, even if one may disagree.
How Can We Resolve Conflicts?
All couples have disagreements. Couples in a healthy relationship will try to work through and slove their disagreements fruitfully. Below are some tips for positive conflice resolution:
Talk about one problem at a time.
Listen to what each other has to say. Don't sit there thinking about what to say next.
Stop blaming each other and be willing to come to a mutual compromise.
Ask questions to find out more about each other's opinion, clarify issues and test your understanding.
Keep an open mind. Ask yourselfand your partner "what if" questions to help both of you see other options.My friend's boyfriend slapped and punch her. How can I help her?Listen to your friend.
Don't blame or put your friend down for remaining in the relationship.
Let your friend know that violence under any circumstance is unacceptable.
Express your understanding, care, concern and support.
Encourage your friend to speak to a counsellor and offer to accompany your fiend for help.
I find it difficult to control my temper. Little things can agitate and make me mad. Do you constantly quesion your partner's whereabouts, phone calls and/or conversations?
Do you constantly insult, criticise or threaten your partner?
Have you grabbed, pushed, slapped, or hit your partner when you're angry?
Have you forced your partner to have sex?If you find yourself losing control, here are some tips to control your behavious:Be aware of your own red flags e.g. tense posture, yelling, hitting at objects.
Walk away from the situation to cool yourself down and think about other ways to reslove the conflict.
Talk to a counsellor, teacher or friend about it.
